I have never understood why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much… FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. The passion starts to heat up, when she eventually said “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” I said “WHAT ? What was that?!” So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She then responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not for what I do in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep… The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a good lunch and then went shopping at a very big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said “Let’s get a pair for each outfit”. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she then asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.” I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.” Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT?” I then said “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman. ” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?” Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

This is classic.

Or maybe in this case, a good solid laugh.

I’m bringing lazy back,
Them other students don’t know how to act
I think that studying is so wack
Do you ever think I’ll pick up the slack?
Take ‘em to the bridge!

Dirty school,
You see this computer
Baby it’s off the hook,
I’ll procrastinate come on and take a look
It’s just that I don’t feel like working away
Take ‘em to the chorus

Get your lazy on
Go ahead, be gone with it

Here’s to fourth year!

So knowing me, you’d think I would talk about astronomy. But, no, not this time, you are wrong. But then again, why not? So, Pluto is no longer a planet! You know.. this opens up a lot of discussion and a lot of disses. For instance, (I made this up myself, I swear.. lol)

“The IAU (International Astronomical Union) has just demoted your mom to a Drawf Planet“. And so on, and so on.

Back to the main topic. If someone were to ask you what the main purpose of a coffee cup saucer was, what would you say? Exactly. That is exactly what I thought! However, there are people out there that insist that their saucer stays clean. WTF? Can anyone see how pointless a saucer should be if it is always to be kept clean? Last time I checked, it was to prevent spillage onto a lovely tablecloth you got at Ikea. People like that should be shot. In fact, they should freak out everytime, for instance, say, a coaster gets wet from either the perspiration/condensation of a beer glass or if beer falls on it. Imagine what kind of a world we would live in?

It’s quite hard to imagine it, but just picture this, it’s hellish, pathetic and pointless, it’s something quite like this.

Let’s get a consensus on a few facts.

aids = bad. Everyone can agree with me on that, right?

bad = evil. It’s the same thing, evil and bad right?

so therefore, aids = evil. No surprise here right?

Now, we are told that aids came from some guy humping a monkey (or at least that is what I was told) and do you believe that this is true? You want to know who or what it came from? Well according to this article I read (and when I mean article, I mean nothing and when I mean read, I mean nothing) aids came from someone. To cut it short, Pandora was a slut and every time she opened her box, evil would spread throughout the world.

Another story I like to think about is the Adam and Eve story and when they are alone in the Garden of Eden. The true reason why we took a bite out of that apple was not because of the snake (who was supposed to be the devil in disguise), it was because of Eve (who, believe it or not, was the devil in disguise).

Do you see a trend here?

One last example because I can go on forever on this topic, is Shakespeare. Brilliant guy he was. Ever heard of Femme Fatale? If not, read some of it or just read some Coles Notes. You’ll see the reason why everything goes wrong is because of a woman.

So where am I trying to go with all of this?

Simple, Women are Evil. QED.